sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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