You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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