i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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