Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
