you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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