Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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