Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
