we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
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The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize