3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
