Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
