seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
