my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We left the knife in your bed.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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