and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I look better un-naked...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
