oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
