dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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