Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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