I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
