I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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