so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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