i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
