so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
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I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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