I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
