I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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