we're chasing vodka with high fives
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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