I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
