thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Drunk is a universal language darling
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