Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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