Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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