Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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