So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
