I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
