break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
