Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
