Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
