dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
