So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
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I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
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Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...