Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Its about making memories worth repressing
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
