look no pants
I just threw up on my dentist
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
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These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
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Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.