Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!