What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..