I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
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We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
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I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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