hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.