She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
