What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
