Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize