you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Never joke about your clitoris.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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