once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
