saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
