haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
