my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
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Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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