Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
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