Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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