tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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