Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
