I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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