i may or may not be watching the land before time
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
