For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
