So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
