even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
