Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
