guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
