we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
