yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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