It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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