My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Someone came in the potted fern
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
