At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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