i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
