she smelled like a LAN party
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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