Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
