I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
