South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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