I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
