dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
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I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
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Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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