Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
