omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
When are your genitals available?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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