So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
