Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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