shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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