you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
