You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm going to jail i love you
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
