I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
